Hi all, I don’t know if anyone still reads this blog but it’s a platform that I created not to be read but to be written.  Life threw a curveball at me this year, a horrible and nasty curveball. I was hit by a car and I’m now recovering from concussion, a head wound and the trauma of the experience. I was feeling quite optimistic about things before the accident, I had just started a new role, me and my boyfriend had decided to move in together next year. A few things to be excited about.  The accident was on the 19th June and this was only a month into my new role which has well and truly made me feel awful. It’s not my fault that I was in an accident but I always feel guilt when I cannot fulfil my duties. I don’t think the guilt stems from letting people down although I do have a sense of that feeling whenever I’m off sick but I think it’s because I need to keep a job. I am not in a position where I can be unemployed and I think that’s where the sense of guilt comes fr...

It’s been a very long time since I have needed this blog, it was my solace and my safe space for a long time.  Sure I have still written a couple posts that were not written as a coping mechanism for the generalised anxiety disorder but I think it’s beautiful that you still value my writing even after a long hiatus.  I still read and write and I think writing will always be my way of expressing myself no matter what I feel or go through in this life of mine.  I may not be using this blog so much as an outlet anymore but I do hope what I have written is helpful in some small way to you readers.  I’d like to thank you for still being around and would love further support through my new way of writing.  I told you last year I was now a published author and wow is that still surreal.  What I would also like to share is my newest short story which I hope you decide to read.  Let’s also hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it.  https:/...

I  feel enriched in so many ways when reading. I do find myself lately only interested in reading fiction that actually teaches me about people and how they feel. Fiction is super relatable but even when I cannot relate specifically, it helps me to understand more about myself and others in so many ways. When I tell this to people, sometimes they don’t understand how fiction can have this effect. I suppose it’s all down to interpretation.   BCL says 

Just on my way out and throughout my journey I have seen so many couples and families around me and I just get that warm fuzzy feeling. I love, love. I love seeing it. Keep it up beautiful world.  BCL says 

Small wins are big wins in life depending on your perspective. I touched my toes for the first time tonight doing yoga. This literally has made my day. SUPER PROUD. BCL says

This morning a thought popped into my head on the colour green. It popped into my head whilst I was walking past beautiful greenery and I never thought about this before. I say one of my favourite colours is green and I can’t help but believe this could be because green is the colour of nature and nature brings me joy and peace.   BCL says

Being an empath is super hard but on the other side of things I’m so grateful. That intense empathy I feel invades my whole life, I feel the intensity with every aspect of it. I feel as if knowing yourself so rawly is scary but also rewarding. There’s a certain contentment with understanding yourself and others. Everyone you cross paths with and their emotions impact you and you learn things about yourself without even realising it.   BCL says

I know rain is wet and cold but I find myself really enjoying it lately. It’s making me feel relaxed and peaceful. I think I’d enjoy it more if I was in a beautiful cottage somewhere surrounded by nature. I could read all day, I could nap as much as I wanted to and just watch and listen to the rain.  BCL says 

Hey everyone,  Firstly, Happy New Year!  I know I haven’t been very active on my blog for a while but that is actually a good sign considering the reason I started this blog in the first place. Nonetheless it warms my heart to see people still view my blog, even when there isn’t any new content.  I just wanted to share with you, I received a publishing contract for three of my short stories as a collection and I’m over the moon. Please look out for my collection in 2024 and any support when it is published and out there would be greatly appreciated.  Take care of yourselves and those you love.  BCL says 

I had some really beautiful, wonderful, amazing news today from a friend. I’ve been having a little bit of my own anxieties recently, just because well life right? Life is complicated but yet hearing this news I literally felt elated, pure joy. I actually cannot stop smiling and I just had to share.  Isn’t it incredible how good things happening to the people you care about in life impacts your mood? I know I’m not alone in this feeling and this feeling is one of the things that I believe makes life beautiful.  BCL says 

Desire is a very powerful thing. I’m sure some people may think that the way desire makes some people feel or behave in the movies is exaggerated or unrealistic but I’m here to tell you, I’m not so sure.  I can say for a fact desire has a very strong hold on me and I love the way it makes me feel. It’s like I feel more alive when I’m desired or I desire someone. There’s nothing quite like it.  It’s a big part of who I am as a person. I wonder how many of you who read my blog feel the same.  

As you can probably guess I’m writing this post whilst sitting on a bus. I don’t know why this random thought has appeared in my head only now, when I get the bus every day.  We sit next to strangers every single day, share our space yet we don’t engage in conversation with each other. I find this fact curious because every person you plan to meet, whether it be on a date or at a social event or even starting a new job, we talk to those strangers.  We are comfortable talking to strangers when we’re supposedly in a social setting but apart from those particular settings we don’t talk to most people. I personally do sometimes talk to strangers on a bus or in a restaurant, but only when they speak to me first.  Food for thought.  BCL says

Morning, I’ll get right to it.  So, I was in the middle of a conversation with a work colleague today and another colleague joined in and I reacted to something they said. For some odd reason this made me think about how people see me. I can’t see how I look to others, my body language, my facial expressions, I’m blind to how I look to other people. I’m not sure how I feel about this, I mean I would really like to know how I look to other people.  Have you ever thought this too or is this just how my mind works? I bet you’re thinking about it now though right?  BCL says 

I always thought being an open book was a good thing, but I’m not so sure it is. I saw this as being a personality trait of mine and it was part of who I am but I now believe it’s a coping mechanism, one amongst many others for my anxiety. I find it easy to be open, I find it natural to just say what I feel, whenever I feel it and tell most people way too much about myself, my life and the people in it. It’s almost as if I am in constant need to share my thoughts and feelings otherwise I’ll bubble over or something.  However, I do find myself asking this question: is it a bad thing if it gives me peace of mind and happiness to be this way?  It’s complicated.  BCL says 

I’ve had a lot of stuff going on recently that is giving me anxiety and stress and also making me unhappy. It’s stuff partly under my control but not all of it can be immediately changed or fixed. I woke up today feeling crappy due to these things but then I got to work, a few things just made my perspective change. I listened to my new music Friday playlist (a little late) the music improved my mood instantly, I got a cute text from someone I love very much, made me realise how lucky I am to have that person.  It’s crazy how things that aren’t related to my issues brought a smile to my face and have made such an impact. I’m always saying that I appreciate the little things and today is proof that is true as ever.  The things that I feel crappy about right now are only temporary and things that are temporary need not ruin my perspective or mood. I love the way the mind works, the switches you can flip.  This sunshine also helps.  BCL says 

I’ve been contemplating life a lot recently. Ever since the Christmas break I have been thinking about the decisions I have made, and I know people say every decision you make is meant to be, but I’m not so sure.  Looking back, there are a few different decisions that would have made my life very different:  1. If I hadn’t ended a relationship, I’d be married with children probably by now. Granted, I’m not even sure if I want marriage and children based on my current feelings.  2. If I hadn't based my career choices on what was best for me and someone else, rather on only what I wanted I would probably have had a career already. Sure, I'm training to be an accountant now but that's not where I ever saw my life heading.   There are things in my life I have zero control over but the above were two decisions I made which I think about every once in a while and wonder how my life would be if I had chosen differently at the time.  You’ll notice I say probably because...

Morning world,  I say morning world because based on statistics my blog is read all over the world. This literally makes me feel so amazing and you have to know I appreciate you all so much.  I do have a lot of things going on right now in my life which I have been wanting to share however I do not feel it’s appropriate based on what is going on in the world currently.  I am not belittling my own struggles and worries. You should never feel as if what you are going through isn’t valid because it seems small in comparison to other things, so please don’t. I’m simply just getting on with things as best I can and the need to write isn’t as strong as it has been right now. This is a positive thing, but I will be back with you soon.  Take care of yourself.  BCL says 

I've been having a hard time lately as you all know. This hard time has only gotten worse as I have not only got my own issues effecting me but also the issues within my family.  This post is going to be super short, I am currently sitting at work, feeling as if I want to cry. Sometimes a good ole cry is all you need to relieve the pressure you feel inside. We have the radio on at work typically, we have more recently opted for YouTube music as the radio is very tedious, repeating the same songs over and over, hearing the same dumb news every single hour. Today is Disney classics and my favourite song from Mulan came on, I'll make a man out of you. As I was singing along I felt the urge to cry again.  Even when I'm not having a hard time I cry to things like this all of the time.  I am truly a sensitive soul.  BCL says

Evening all, I’m ready for a new life right now, what about you?  Since Christmas I’ve been in a bit of a weird mindset which all of you are aware of. I’m not sure if the anxiety I was facing has now turned into something else. I don’t feel as if I’m depressed or sad, I just feel bored. I told someone special to me yesterday that I felt as if I wanted a new life and he asked me what kind of new life that would be. My answer was, I’d be living by the beach where I’d read and write most days on a hammock. Thinking about it now I’d also be drinking filter coffee and eating my favourite foods, absolute bliss.  Even writing it down here, right now is making me smile. What kind of new life do you sometimes dream of having I wonder? I’m pretty sure we all have those moments.  BCL says 

I don’t usually do book reviews but this is different. Sally Rooney has a habit of creating characters that infuriate you. When I read, I read to escape, uplift myself and so far beautiful world, where are you is not providing me with either of these things.  Sally Rooney is amazing, her writing is brilliant but it’s real. It’s too real to be read as a means of escape. I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way. I don’t read a lot of nonfiction and I know this book is fiction but to me, it doesn’t feel that way. That is the beauty of Sally Rooneys books, they get to you, they make you evaluate your own life and feelings.  Although I appreciate how brilliant the writing is and how well the stories are told I can’t help but feel glum and angry when I read this book. I really want to finish it, but I don’t know if I can without at least a short break.  Who am I kidding? I adore this book, I will finish it until the very end. Edited 20.01.2022  BCL says