Evening all, I’m ready for a new life right now, what about you?  Since Christmas I’ve been in a bit of a weird mindset which all of you are aware of. I’m not sure if the anxiety I was facing has now turned into something else. I don’t feel as if I’m depressed or sad, I just feel bored. I told someone special to me yesterday that I felt as if I wanted a new life and he asked me what kind of new life that would be. My answer was, I’d be living by the beach where I’d read and write most days on a hammock. Thinking about it now I’d also be drinking filter coffee and eating my favourite foods, absolute bliss.  Even writing it down here, right now is making me smile. What kind of new life do you sometimes dream of having I wonder? I’m pretty sure we all have those moments.  BCL says 

I don’t usually do book reviews but this is different. Sally Rooney has a habit of creating characters that infuriate you. When I read, I read to escape, uplift myself and so far beautiful world, where are you is not providing me with either of these things.  Sally Rooney is amazing, her writing is brilliant but it’s real. It’s too real to be read as a means of escape. I’m sure I’m not the only person who feels this way. I don’t read a lot of nonfiction and I know this book is fiction but to me, it doesn’t feel that way. That is the beauty of Sally Rooneys books, they get to you, they make you evaluate your own life and feelings.  Although I appreciate how brilliant the writing is and how well the stories are told I can’t help but feel glum and angry when I read this book. I really want to finish it, but I don’t know if I can without at least a short break.  Who am I kidding? I adore this book, I will finish it until the very end. Edited 20.01.2022  BCL says 

When I first encountered generalised anxiety disorder I was not sleeping and I was not eating. I was in a terrible state every night with my irrational thoughts keeping me awake.  Fast forward 6 years and I am experiencing sleepless nights again but because of my rational thoughts. My rational worries are keeping me awake as subconsciously I cannot shift them. I am not actively thinking about my concerns but my body and mind is reacting as if I am.  I never thought I would be back here again and even though the concerns are legitimate I am reliving that part of my life.  I am in a good mental state, for the most part and although I have had concerns and worries since coming off the medication this has not happened before now.  I really hope this improves soon as this is no way to function no matter the root cause.  BCL says

Firstly, Happy New Year all, I hope you had a good one. Secondly, have you noticed that I’ve written a fair few blog posts lately? I only write when I’m struggling.  Today I cried, things that stress me out were brought to the surface today and usually I can cope with it, today I couldn’t. Christmas and New Year is a weird time for me, the time off from my normal routine throws me out of whack and first I get bored, then I get irritable and then I get down. I’m not depressed, I’m in a state of mind where I feel strange and my routine keeps this weird state of mind at bay.  Mental health never truly goes away and it’s periods like this where I realise this and it does make me sad. I’m a lot better than I was and I am coping the best way I can but it’s still there, it always will be.  BCL says