Skip to main content

Feeling terrified

If you read my blog you’ll be fully aware of my CIN2 diagnosis and the journey I had. Tomorrow is my first smear test since the LLETZ treatment and I’m terrified. 

I’m not terrified because smear tests are very uncomfortable (to say the least), I’m terrified because of the trauma I experienced during treatment and recovery. Traumatic events in our lives, no matter how big or small, stay with us, and because of this we fear experiencing the same event more than once. 

After my treatment it was confirmed all of my abnormal cells were removed, and granted this was great, I believe that if I get CIN2 again my body will probably respond in the same way. Knowing my body could not heal itself in this particular instance, terrifies me. Knowing that I faced complications during recovery, terrifies me. I will always be terrified, every time I get a smear test. 

If you’re reading this, please wish me luck. Until the next time. 

BCL says 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How people see you

Morning, I’ll get right to it.  So, I was in the middle of a conversation with a work colleague today and another colleague joined in and I reacted to something they said. For some odd reason this made me think about how people see me. I can’t see how I look to others, my body language, my facial expressions, I’m blind to how I look to other people. I’m not sure how I feel about this, I mean I would really like to know how I look to other people.  Have you ever thought this too or is this just how my mind works? I bet you’re thinking about it now though right?  BCL says 
Post a Comment
Read more

Being in love

On my way to work this morning I noticed a young school couple. The looks on their faces, looking at one another you can see how desperately they needed one another. Love makes you feel as if you cannot live without another person, wild as it is, it is true. Isn't it mad scary how someone you didn't even know existed can make you feel that they are your everything? It's also scary that love starts so young as well. People love, love and I also love, love. I think it is so wonderful to see love all around you. It makes me happy to know that two people can make each other feel like they can get through anything together. You believe in one another so much, that life doesn't seem so bad. Again, love is so powerful and so scary because on the flip side, if people break up, one or maybe both of those people will feel like their world is shattered. They feel this way even though they were fine before they met that other person and they will be fine (in time) without them agai...
Post a Comment
Read more

Small wins

Small wins are big wins in life depending on your perspective. I touched my toes for the first time tonight doing yoga. This literally has made my day. SUPER PROUD. BCL says
Post a Comment
Read more