Skip to main content

Feeling terrified

If you read my blog you’ll be fully aware of my CIN2 diagnosis and the journey I had. Tomorrow is my first smear test since the LLETZ treatment and I’m terrified. 

I’m not terrified because smear tests are very uncomfortable (to say the least), I’m terrified because of the trauma I experienced during treatment and recovery. Traumatic events in our lives, no matter how big or small, stay with us, and because of this we fear experiencing the same event more than once. 

After my treatment it was confirmed all of my abnormal cells were removed, and granted this was great, I believe that if I get CIN2 again my body will probably respond in the same way. Knowing my body could not heal itself in this particular instance, terrifies me. Knowing that I faced complications during recovery, terrifies me. I will always be terrified, every time I get a smear test. 

If you’re reading this, please wish me luck. Until the next time. 

BCL says 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Small wins

Small wins are big wins in life depending on your perspective. I touched my toes for the first time tonight doing yoga. This literally has made my day. SUPER PROUD. BCL says
Post a Comment
Read more

Midnight lies

Being able to self publish a third story, of mine in print has definitely been a highlight for me this year. As shitty as 2020 has been I have never been more proud of myself since I started this blog over 3/4 years ago.  The third self published story I have written is a thriller and is the longest I’ve managed as of yet. Please follow the link below in order to purchase a copy to show me some love and support! It will always be very much appreciated. Midnight lies https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B08RR7G893/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_fabc_RMB7Fb85RD3Q0i  Happy New Year  people, may 2021 be better like by 100000000%  Thank you,  BCL says
Post a Comment
Read more

Interpretation

I  feel enriched in so many ways when reading. I do find myself lately only interested in reading fiction that actually teaches me about people and how they feel. Fiction is super relatable but even when I cannot relate specifically, it helps me to understand more about myself and others in so many ways. When I tell this to people, sometimes they don’t understand how fiction can have this effect. I suppose it’s all down to interpretation.   BCL says 
Post a Comment
Read more