Skip to main content

Feeling terrified

If you read my blog you’ll be fully aware of my CIN2 diagnosis and the journey I had. Tomorrow is my first smear test since the LLETZ treatment and I’m terrified. 

I’m not terrified because smear tests are very uncomfortable (to say the least), I’m terrified because of the trauma I experienced during treatment and recovery. Traumatic events in our lives, no matter how big or small, stay with us, and because of this we fear experiencing the same event more than once. 

After my treatment it was confirmed all of my abnormal cells were removed, and granted this was great, I believe that if I get CIN2 again my body will probably respond in the same way. Knowing my body could not heal itself in this particular instance, terrifies me. Knowing that I faced complications during recovery, terrifies me. I will always be terrified, every time I get a smear test. 

If you’re reading this, please wish me luck. Until the next time. 

BCL says 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

How people see you

Morning, I’ll get right to it.  So, I was in the middle of a conversation with a work colleague today and another colleague joined in and I reacted to something they said. For some odd reason this made me think about how people see me. I can’t see how I look to others, my body language, my facial expressions, I’m blind to how I look to other people. I’m not sure how I feel about this, I mean I would really like to know how I look to other people.  Have you ever thought this too or is this just how my mind works? I bet you’re thinking about it now though right?  BCL says 
Post a Comment
Read more

Being in love

On my way to work this morning I noticed a young school couple. The looks on their faces, looking at one another you can see how desperately they needed one another. Love makes you feel as if you cannot live without another person, wild as it is, it is true. Isn't it mad scary how someone you didn't even know existed can make you feel that they are your everything? It's also scary that love starts so young as well. People love, love and I also love, love. I think it is so wonderful to see love all around you. It makes me happy to know that two people can make each other feel like they can get through anything together. You believe in one another so much, that life doesn't seem so bad. Again, love is so powerful and so scary because on the flip side, if people break up, one or maybe both of those people will feel like their world is shattered. They feel this way even though they were fine before they met that other person and they will be fine (in time) without them agai...
Post a Comment
Read more

Meds free and I'm totally fine

Hi there, long time no read. The last post I wrote was about the weaning off of my anxiety medication. I‘ve actually been off of them for a few weeks now and I must say mentally, I feel in control. Alas, with every positive you have to throw a negative in there, you know, to balance it out. I wouldn’t say I’m suffering from insomnia but I will say trying to relax enough to fall asleep is clearly a struggle. Right now, as we speak, I’m exhausted. I’m totally ready for bed but I cannot shut my mind off. I do eventually fall asleep but it’s not easy. On the other hand, I will say that I’m extremely proud of myself for what I’ve come through. I am managing my stress levels very well (if I do say so myself) but (there is always a but) my body is still reacting subconsciously to the stress and I think it always will. I react physically to stress and anxiety, and this has taken place for as long as I can remember. In conclusion, anxiety sucks, but can be overcome. I don’t really have much...
Post a Comment
Read more